farewell..................................elveda
time is carrying me away from here........zaman beni buradan alıp götürüyor
i am moving to another world..............başka bir dünyaya gidiyorum
this world is still yours.................bu dünya hala sizin
enjoy it .................................keyfini çıkarın
i've enjoyed it for a while...............bir süreliğine ben de keyfini çıkardım
but enough is enough......................ama yeter artık
i'm suffering now in here.................burada acı çekiyorum şimdi
hitherto everything i did.................şimdiye kadar yaptığım herşey
will stay here with you...................burada sizinle kalacak
i won't take them with me.................onları beraberimde götürmeyeceğim
please remember me from time to time......zaman zaman beni hatırlayın lütfen
i hope....................................umarım
i've never had a slightest action.........saygısızca bir davranışım olmamıştır
if i had, excuse me for it................eğer olduysa, beni affedin
i am moving to another world..............başka bir dünyaya gidiyorum
with leaving everything behind me.........herşeyi arkamda bırakarak
i can't cope with here any longer.........artık burayla başa çıkamıyorum
this is "the farewell" of mine............bu benim "elveda"mdır
do not think of a funeral.................cenaze törenini aklınızdan geçirmeyin
do not cry behind me......................arkamdan ağlamayın
do laugh..................................gülün
do listen kerwané by kardes turkuler......kardeş türküler'den kerwané' yi dinleyin
do not put me in the ground.........beni toprağa gömmeyin
do throw my body to the marmara sea in company with kerwané.....bedenimi kerwané
eşliğinde marmara denizine atın
this is "the farewell" of mine......bu benim "elveda"mdır
this is my last wish................bu benim son isteğimdir
to be a fish in open sea............engin denizde bir balık olmak
farewell ! ...........................elveda !
Tolunay Şahin
farewell ......... elveda
believe it or not
do you
hear
the heartbeats
smell
the jasmines
see
Nazim’ s and Piraye’s eyes
taste
the lips
touch
the bodies
these enable
the energy
of your own
the world
giving the energy
but
do not forget
loneliness kills
commitment keeps alive
but
never wait for anyone
to encourage you
to spoil you
and
never afraid of
telling the truth
to yourself
and the one(s) by your side
seeing the fear in you
think about the light
of the one(s)
by your side
try to
see
the light
the energy
read
the eyes
the face
feel
the soul
the heartbeat
they are
telling everything
the mirrors
believe it
or not
Tolunay Şahin - 20.12.2009
the energy
the energy
that
is still there
I do believe in it
human’s energy
waves in the whole body
and
reaches the others
progressively,
optimistically or pessimistically
does not matter
it reaches
soul is in motion
with a warm smiling energy
do keep it
do reach the others
this is the life itself
this makes world good to be alive
your energy
and
your soul
Tolunay Şahin - 19.12.2009
strange !
do you believe in signs?
very strange!
bought a novel and found Cavafy on the first page,
wrote a letter while you were reading Nazim.
are these coincide,
or are they saying something else to us?
a big energy between you and me
has existed
the first day that we met.
controls us.
that's why,
love felt into place.
on its behalf,
still do love you
like Piraye's love to Nazım.
process is hanging on the air.
if the blow comes,
it comes.
we can't escape.
don't want to suffer.
've been suffering for weeks.
trying to forget how much I love you.
sure you loved me.
but that doesn't make it any the less painful.
Tolunay Şahin - 14.12.2009
A letter
To the man I love,
- - Need to get these off my chest - -
For the present, you are "the Zahir" to me. Sometimes silence means too much. But sometimes it seems like death. Obviously, we both know that we did not die. But we act like we both died. This shouldn't be accepted by adults.
We delay or avoid to communicate although we both know 100% that communication is very important in one's life. Maybe we both wait for the first step from each other or maybe not, I don't know.
I trust my experience with you more than anything. Because I know, almost, you and I know myself. I know how we are, how we have self-respect, how we are addicted to our independence. We both do not want to absorb each other's lives and energy. Because I know, for sure, if one makes the world a more wonderful place for somebody else, this shows that the happiness and calmness are smiling from a window, yellow and hot and from a world, green and blue.
I know that in a very near future, we'll be lost to each other like the dead.
You'll be in another part of the world and I'll be in another one.
I do know that "voices" of us can reach to each other. Maybe in thoughts, in readings, in writings, at a place, in a cat, in an e-mail, on a phone etc., I could not guess what it will be. Whatever it is, I know for sure that this is the important point.
Even if we can't shape our lives as we want it, we try as much as we can. We do not want it to become burdensome.
As Nazim Hikmet said :
"Living is no laughing matter :
You must live with great seriousness
..........
..........
even though you know living
is the most real, the most beautiful thing."
In order to live fully, it is necessary to be in constant movement. Then each day can be different from the last. And it brings calmness to your soul, happiness to your life and makes you live deeply without any commitment.
Let your soul be in motion with a warm smiling energy which makes world good to be alive for you. Let your energy wave in your whole body.
Sometimes life forces us to go faraway and leave everything behind but we carry our memories with us wherever we go.
If the last station is near, a good ending should be written to not remember the one with his/her negativity. Only remember him/her with his/her echo.
I learned to do everything reasonably well in my life, but sometimes there was a point where I got stuck. Sometimes a moment comes when I reach my limit and I remember to struggle. But I got tired of being strong and dealing with problems and got tired of the back and forth. To tell the truth, this is the life. Willingly or unwillingly, I have to deal with these. But despite all, I still feel my energy, feel free and still feel happy that I am alive and enjoying my life. I try to let my voice reach the one's to whom I want to reach. I try to let my energy wave in my whole body so that my energy can reach the one's to whom I want to reach. I want to remember the one with his/her echo.
As one of my favorite poet Ataol Behramoglu wrote in his poem named " There is one thing I learned from what I lived " , with whom I totally agree, you should learn things from what you lived:
There is one thing ı learned from what ı lived:
When you live something, you must live it fully
Your lover must be exhausted from your kisses
You must be exhausted from smelling a flower
One can look at the sky for hours
One can look for hours at the sea, at a bird, at a child
Living on this world is being one with it
Growing unbreakable roots into it
When you hug your friend, you must do it with all your power
You must be in a fight with all your muscles, body and passion
And when you lie on the hot sand,
You must rest like a grain of sand, like a leaf, like a stone
One must listen to all the beautiful music
Such that the sounds, the melodies fill inside
One must dive headfirst into this life
Like diving from a rock into an emerald sea
People you don't know must attract you to distant lands
You must live with the desire to read all the books and to know all the lives
You must exchange nothing with the happiness of drinking a glass of water
But for all the happiness there is, you must be filed with the longing to live
And you must also live grief, with honor, with all your presence
Because grief also maturates one, like happiness
Your blood must be intermixed with the large circulation of life
The never ending, fresh blood of life must circulate in your veins
There is one thing ı learned from what ı lived:
When you live, you must live big, like being one with the rivers, the sky, and the whole universe
Because what we call lifetime is a gift presented to life
And life is a gift presented to you.
No matter what, please remember how beautiful I know you are and how beautiful the days we spent together with every sharing (poems you read to me in every where and on the phone and my readings to you, our talking about this and that and the other enjoyable things).
Two or three weeks ago I bought a novel. And when I came home and opened its first page, I realized that the author put the poem "Ithaca" by Cavafy on the first page:
Ithaca
When you set out on your journey to ıthaca,
Pray that the road is long,
Full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The lestrygonians and the cyclops,
The angry poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
İf your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
Emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The lestrygonians and the cyclops,
The fierce poseidon you will never encounter,
İf you do not carry them within your soul,
İf your soul does not set them up before you.
Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
With such pleasure, with such joy
You will enter ports seen for the first time;
Stop at phoenician markets,
And purchase fine merchandise,
Mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
And sensual perfumes of all kinds,
As many sensual perfumes as you can;
Visit many egyptian cities,
To learn and learn from scholars.
Always keep ıthaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
And to anchor at the island when you are old,
Rich with all you have gained on the way,
Not expecting that ıthaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor, ıthaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
You must already have understood what ıthacas mean.
Constantine p. Cavafy (1911)
You are not a star forgotten among the clouds. And please do remember that every day I've spent with you was very precious.
"Love changes the law of nature. Love grows in strenght and it is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. In order for the true energy of love to penetrate your soul, your soul must be as if you had been born. Why are people unhappy? Because they want to imprison the energy, which is impossible." (from the book I read). But please do remember how much you were loved.
You could find these lines futile. But I felt like I should write them.
Actually, I did not plan to write too long, but I realized that it was a long letter. If you read this letter till this line, I should thank you for it.
- - -
The Inamorata
Tolunay Şahin - 11.12.2009
konuş-ma!
konuşmak mıydı doğru olan
yoksa o gece yaptığımız gibi
karşılıklı olarak susmak mı?
bilmiyorum; emin olamıyorum.
ama sen konuşmalıydın.
Tolunay Şahin - 09.12.2009
Bay Şaire
Bir deli diyara sürükledin ya beni, alacağın olsun.
Gönlümü, aklımı, bedenimi aldı dalgan, sonra bir fırtına sessizliği çöktü de anlamadım.
Ardından şiddetli bir fırtına çıktı, alıp götürdü o diyardan başkasına beni.
Sustum, direndim, bekledim.
Bekleyiş; ama ne kadar zaman?
Bir gün? Bir hafta?
Fazlasına tahammülüm yok, bilesin Bay Şair!
En fazla bir hafta beklerim.
Ardından bir açıklama isterim.
Ya yürürüz yine aynı yolda
Ya da deriz “elveda!”.
Tolunay Şahin - 07.11.2009
